Butterfly Sparks Designs

Sunday, November 29, 2009

It's Time!

One of the "benefits" of a serious diagnosis (or maybe it’s of any significant life “challenge”) is that it makes you acutely aware of time. You can’t help but spend some of your suddenly precious time thinking through both your past and your future. And questions? Well there are lots of them, but two that will drive you crazy if you let them are….

How much time do I have left?
How much time have I wasted?

I can easily vacillate between these two, battling the extremes of fear and regret – ping ponging like a table tennis ball - all the while failing to get any grip on either my mind or my life. It is so much easier to entertain the “what if’s” rather than the “what now’s” of life.

Suddenly, I see myself on this journey and it’s as if my life is a Monopoly game and someone is trying to move me from start to finish without my permission. I failed to pass go and collect my $200. I didn’t buy enough property or build a real estate empire. I didn’t ride the railroad enough times or contribute often enough to the community fund. I stomp my foot and declare “I want another chance to go around the board again! To do everything!”

It seems to me that I can choose to focus on all that’s been lost and all that might never be or I can choose to live and live well! It’s time to put my focus on the now of life. I need to ask myself “what NOW?”

I’ve got some dreams that I have been carrying around. Dreams that haven’t yet come to pass! Dreams that cancer is trying to steal from me! Dreams about love and relationships and hope and transformation and blessing and purpose and power!

I’ve been carrying them, but I haven’t been focused enough on doing the things required to bring them to pass. I’ve often been attending to the urgent, rather than the critical. I’ve made the classic mistake of waiting for “something” to happen, rather than intentionally working toward a goal.

Intensive Focus/Time Invested = Momentum.

I need some momentum in my life to help me redeem the time. I’m turning “forty something” in a few short days and suddenly looking down the road toward 50 seems pretty good to me! It’s TIME!

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. NIV

There is an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth. MSG

To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven. AMP

Ec. 3:1


Unknown said...

I love you, Jan! Just catching up with your blog since we have been in Berlin...wow, it's pretty constant, my friend. I will keep the prayers going for you as you navigate through this next phase. You are STRONG, girl, and you've got so many friends holding you up as a bonus!!! LOVE YOU!

Ashley said...

It is TIME! :) It's YOUR TIME! :) I love you, Jan!

Lynnell said...

Jan I am praying and believing I have LOTS of time with you my sweet friend!! God has so much in store for you and all of us that you have touched and changed! You have a good point about a life changing event makes us think... but you have helped us that hasn't had that happen to stop and think what's important... really important??
You have showed me so many things during this journey and I THANK YOU for that!!! I love you so much and since I am OLDER than you.. and in my 50's I have to admit it's been a freeing time of my life!!
Love you my SWEET Friend and I don't take that lightly you being my friend!!!

Unknown said...

Enjoyed reading your blog today! We need to all focus on what is important in life, b/c we never know what the future may bring for any of us. There is a plan for each of us and only God knows what it is, we know it's gonna be good, no matter what he has in mind! Carpe diem..seize the day and seize it with zeal!! Tell Marilyn "hello" for me!

Thinking of you in my thoughts and prayers,

Unknown said...

So appreciate this post. I needed it today especially. We all could use some focus on time and moments. And boy do I relate to the ping ponging of the mind. Happy birthday!

Anonymous said...

Just checking on my friend in the cart because this horse is ready to move! So thankful for you and your heart to fight. Thinking and praying deeply for you right now~m