Butterfly Sparks Designs

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I'm still walking!

Hi friends,

Thank you for the continual prayer over the past few days. I got slapped by the chemo monster and since this is a new fight for me, I failed to duck! Next time I hope to be better prepared and be able to navigate with a little more grace. My husband has been an angel to me the past few days - I scared him and me a little - but He's been the warrior and the nurse and I appreciate him so much.

I am coming up out of the hole of fatigue and I'm just resting on the arms of love. A friend sent me a text on Sunday morning and told me that when the sheep are ill or weak, the Shepherd comes to them. I weeped and allowed Him to come to me! He is indeed gentle with me in this season.

Thanks to all those who have been signing up to bring us food! My friend warned me that you can gain weight on chemo - and I bet it's true. My appetite is returning and I have been enjoying home cooked meals all weekend. Thanks to Alena and David Moore who brought yummy's on Saturday, my neighbor Carla who showed up at noon on Sunday, my inlaws brought homemade goodies last night, my neighbor Tracy brought me a chick-fil-a milkshake and I just got to visit with LC who brought me some home cooked loving for tonight. In addition, a sweet family dropped by while I was at the doctor and left some amazing bread and the Word of life for me. I have a little refrigerator magnet now that has a cute green frog and reminds me to Fully Rely On God! Blessing upon blessing are mine.

I made my first visit since last Thursday to the doctor today. Did a simulation for the radiation treatment which will be Thursday and had my blood work done. Bummer - my white cells were low again so they gave me "the shot". I should be more peppy by tomorrow. Hey - I have a tatoo now - 3 actually! I asked for little hearts, but they declined any special requests!

My mother in law and father in law came today and drove me to my treatment. My father in law is just recovering from a complete hip replacement and has only been driving 2 days! We ate lunch at a restaurant - his first meal outside his home in over a month. He's pretty amazing! We kept laughing about how long it takes us to get to the car, in the car and out of the car. He reminded me it's really not so bad. He's still walking and I am too!

Tomorrow and Thursday hold a long line of appointments. Two more MRI's, a surgery consult, a regular doctor visit with more blood work and radiation. I'm disappointed that my schedule is so crazy as I really hoped to get to the office this week - not to work (don't tell anybody I said that) - but for the fellowship. People give me energy and life and joy and I really miss the dynamic, energetic, inspiring work that I've been privileged to do. I'm laying it down until He says I can pick it up - but I sure want to be saying hi to everybody everywhere!

I am so amazed at the outpouring of kindness demonstrated to me and my family. Every note, text and prayer are logged in my files - beginning to build and accumulate a deep well of awe. I feel a little embarassed - not by your love - but by the rawness of my need for it - and a little stunned that simple acts of kindness carry so much weight - so much impact. The fruit of the Spirit is powerful, long lasting and sweet.

I'm praying that the Shepherd would come to you and me today, that He would make Himself known to us - that together we would bring Him honor and glory - and I'm praying that the enemy would pay dearly for His attempts to discourage us!

Thanks for reading!



Jennifer Maddox said...

I am so touched by the realness of your words today; they carry so much weight in meaning and are cleansing to my soul--and the tears gathering in my eyes are evidence. Your courage, focus, authenticity, sincerity, and reliance upon the Shepherd amazes and encourages me.

I have a feeling you are going to experience Him like you never have before, and He will keep pouring out words of life and healing through you--even when you are weary and in need of hands on help to get the message out.

Thank you for your willingness to share this journey with us. I will continually lift you up to our Father Who sees and hears, Who touches and heals, Who provides ands strengthens...Who knows.
Jennifer Maddox

Brenda Peterson said...


I love your last comment about the enemy paying dearly for trying to discourage. He needs to pay dearly for attacking a sweet woman of God like you--"me thinks" he chose to pick on the wrong warrior!

Love you, praying and speaking the Word over you every time God brings it to my heart and mind to do so--praying every day.

Can you feel your arms being held up? I hope so cause you need to!

You are amazing. Remember, when you are weak--He is strong. It's ok to be both sometimes!

Love you!

Tammy M. said...

Hi Jan. So glad to read your post today, and glad that you are feeling better. I love that the words, encouragement and prayers of your circle of friends and family are a blessing to you. Illness can bring isolation, even though there are people around you. When Jack was sick our favorite thing to do was to read the blog and read others comments, we felt connected.
Love you so very much. You are doing a great job of finding the blessings through this and being grateful, shining brightly the confidence of Jesus inside of you.

jerri said...

Please know that you are in my prayers daily. I am, along with many, making it priority to assist in holding up your arms. I have been so moved by the transparency of your blogs and the courage you have shown.I stand in agreement for complete healing, and that God brings His awesome comfort and peace during this season.
I love you,

Shelly Hopkins said...


Monica has just told me about this battle you are fighting and I am joining the team to stand with you. I know that Jesus is so real to you right now. I am praying for your family to have that same peace of God that defies human understanding.

Jan thank you for your courage in posting what you are going through. Your words are making a difference in many lives, including mine. May Jesus meet you in the going through part in a mighty and powerful way.

With love for you and your family,
Shelly Hopkins

Anonymous said...

Hey Jan,
So glad you are feeling better and able to get out with family even though it was also to dr. I'm passing this site on to Zoanna so she can also follow your progress to complete wellness through the Lord's blessings. Love you, and you, Aunt Marilyn, Mark and kids are in my prayers daily.
God Bless,

Lisa in South Carolina said...

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope to visit you when I'm in Arkansas later this month.
Lisa Livers Couch

Lorena Valle said...


I love reading your blog in the morning and finding out how you are. I pray for your doctor's appointments and that wherever you go, you find God first. We sure miss you but we will see you soon! Love,

Lynnell said...

LOVE this PHOTO of you!!!!
I love seeing that SWEET smile everyday!!
Love ya

Dianne Bennett said...

beautiful Jan. I see Jesus in and on you. Praying and thinking of you all the time.
I love you,
Dianne Bennett