Butterfly Sparks Designs

Friday, September 11, 2009

Transition feels like this to me.

I’m on a path and I can see a destination in front of me. Everything in me is passionate to touch that destination. I am running and working with it in mind. I think the best and shortest path to that destination is a straight line. As I’m furiously pursuing the destination, suddenly I am sucked into a black hole. It’s as if I fell off the path into a place I can’t identify and I am free falling.

This place is so scary. It’s hard to navigate. I have no control. I can’t see and danger lurks everywhere. My arms and legs are out of control, I'm grasping for something to hold on to. No relief comes. I experience disorientation, disappointment, disillusionment and a sense of abandonment.

Many voices are speaking – not only the enemy, but even my own flesh. My ears grow more sensitive as my other senses are dulled. God’s voice is hard to hear. I catch a whisper here and there. My own self determination is slowly destroyed and I experience tremendous grief. I cry over the loss of my expectations to arrive at a destination I thought was in my grasp.

I accept the transition. Once I cease resisting, I begin to relax. Slowly I silence the enemy’s voice. Now I work on silencing my own flesh. I pray for understanding and breakthrough. I rest in the free fall. The hole is still dark, the grief is still real, but acceptance of the situation begins to come. In this position, I hear more clearly and I wait.

The black hole remains for an undetermined amount of time and holds many perils. When the testing is finally complete, God brings me out on the other side. I experience light and a sense of gravity. An uprightness returns to your body, soul and spirit. More disorientation, but now a sense of relief.

I am released to a new place, a new path. It is a path that I could not see before nor reach through any natural effort of my own. Now I begin again.


Lisa M said...

Warrior in Pink,

You lay back and rest we will stand in the gap and fight for you.

Isaiah 40:31 says, but thoes who hope in the Lord will renew their strenghth. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
So you lay back and seek HIM and draw your strenghth from HIM.

I'm fighting for you my sweet Jan!!

Love, Lisa

Ashley said...

Beautifully said, my dear friend. May this season pass quickly and be full of unexpected blessings!
I sure do miss you!!!

Mary Jo Pierce said...

Trusting HE is holding my tears and yours in the heavenly bottle.

Beginning again ... proud of you Dear One.

Love, Mary Jo

Anonymous said...

inspired and compelled to press on with you in this journey. i have had you on my heart and ask you to please forgive me for not calling in person, but know that i have gone to Him in prayer over my heart for you. i love you and know that there is air to breathe- even in the big black hole of despair. His. in Him~m

Dianne Bennett said...

Oh wow! That applies to so many in transition. You should write a book Jan. I see a book in your future. You can pen words like noone I know. Thank you for sharing the wonder of this journey...black holes and all.
I am still praying for you.
God is with you..closer than you think. He loves you more than ever.