Butterfly Sparks Designs

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Home again!

Hi friends,

It's so good to be home again. I enjoyed the lake and our family time a lot but it's awesome to sleep in my own bed and have my wireless access again. I had hoped to post a blog late last night, but by the time I drove home it was 1:30 am. (Thanks, Cindy, for riding back with me! You made the trip so much fun and I am so glad for the time with you!) Obviously - I couldn't keep my eyes open!

I am happy to report that I felt great at the lake. Mark and I had a little time alone on the golf course - he played and I drove!

I can tell the radiation is helping my leg. It's still weak and my gait is awkward, but I can sit squarely on my bottom again with no pain, cross my legs and be still for a long time and I've noticed that my pace has quickened over the past few days. In addition, turning over in bed and laying on my left side is a lot easier and doesn't make my leg ache.

I am feeling so good that I am planning to attend the Pink Night at Gateway tomorrow night. I've been looking forward to LAUGH since last year and I am so thrilled that I'm not going to miss it. Something happens inside of me when all those beautiful ladies start coming through the door. I just love it! Elisa told me today that it is a sell out crowd! How could I miss that? It's so strange to attend a Gateway women's event and have no responsibilities. I'll just be one of the girls - laughing and loving with a lot of friends.

I'm going to take a stab at returning to work for a couple of days next week. It's time to get Pink Impact up and moving again and I have to admit - I want to be right in the middle of the planning. Even though I have another round of chemo next Wednesday, I'm grateful that I have a couple of days to work with our team and whet my appetite for things to come.

Today brought another doctor check up (counts still up!) and a visit to a really sweet place in Plano called Survivorgals. There I had my wig shaped, brought it home
in a box, along with a whole kit of products to take care of it. My hair is beginning to shed a little today, which made me cry again. I feel a little bad because my mom was with me today and I made her sad because I was sad. At least we were sad together! Tonight Mark listened to my story about the wig and reminded me again about what is important. Next thing I knew Matthew was modelling it for me. First Matthew - then me! We laughed. How grateful I am that I can afford one and that it's custom cut just for me.

One of the most difficult side effects for me so far has been the blistering of my mouth. Earlier last week there was a time where I literally wondered if I opened my mouth and stuck out my tongue if it would blaze like a fire breathing dragon. Someone said to me that chemo works like fire in your bones – burning the body from the inside out. The burning of my bones and tongue made me think about the purifying work happening deep in my body – the effects are a “sign” that the chemo is working. (Gives me a new appreciation for the instruction to give thanks in all things.)

Two times Mark and I have received prophetic words about fire. Someone once said there was a fire in our home – initially it was an unholy fire causing strife and contention – but God was transforming it and the fire in our home would be a holy fire drawing many. More recently someone said I am a spark, starting many small fires in thousands of places. On the other hand, Mark is a blaze – bringing light to all who come near. A spark doesn’t exist without a fire and a fire doesn't exist without a spark. Together, we make a roaring fire...

The Bible talks about two kinds of tongues of fire. James 3:5 says “... the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body."

I find I am a woman of unclean lips. It's like God has been placing a coal in my mouth, burning my tongue and purifying my heart. Surely my tongue is being tamed for God’s purposes. What is so painful now is developing a reverence in me for the capacity of my mouth to be a spark for good or for evil. Purifying from the marrow of my bones to the tip of my tongue for a purpose I can’t yet fathom. When His work is done in me, I am confident He will transform this natural tongue of fire for the supernatural one in Acts.

“They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.” Acts 2: 3-4 How I want to be a woman who's tongue is purified and speaks according to the Spirit.

Special prayer requests:

1) Would you pray with me that every prophetic word spoken over our lives would come to pass? That we would be a light in dark places, that we would run hard after the things of God, that our children would outrun us in the Kingdom, that a gift for marriage and family and healing and deliverance would come to pass?

2) Matthew leaves for church camp in the morning and by the time he gets back I will probably have lost my hair. I'm doing my best to prepare him - but it will still be a shock.

3) I don't know how to be a good steward of the lavish, abundant, overflowing prayer and support that has been so graciously poured out on our behalf. My heart is humbled by the grace and broken by the thought that so many in my situation do not have the same kind of support. I want to share the overflow with others in need and I don't know how.

Hope to see so many of you soon - either at Laugh or work or worship or in the neighborhood or the grocery store or even in my own home or yours. I miss you terribly!



Lisa M said...

Glad you had fun and are back home. You are thought of and prayed for often my warrior friend. See you at laugh!!


Anonymous said...

I had no idea you were going through this. I will be praying for you and your family through this trying time. Keep looking to Christ in all things and He will get you through.

Love in Christ,

Deirdre Wright

Kim Fox said...

Jan my Beautiful Friend Daughter of the King, I can't tell you how much you minister to me every time I read your blog ! I laugh with you , I cry with you , I pray with you ! You are an amazing strong woman full of faith and that only comes from our daddy in heaven . I am so excited you will be there tomorrow night I hope I get to see you ! Love you
Jeremiah 29 11-15
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you says the Lord , thoughts of Peace not of evil to give you a future and a hope .

LIsa Watson said...

Jan! You are so amazing! I am truly uplifted when I read your blog and I am cheering you on!!! I love reading that you want to share your overflow of prayers with other women who need the support that you are receiving! You are also going to have a great burden to see them completely healed...especially when you receive your complete healing!! I believe that God will give you authority to cast out cancer in others and you are going to blaze a trail!! I feel so strongly that you are going to lay hands on possibly thousands of women and they will be healed in Jesus' name! Many will be brought into the Kingdom because of the kindness of God through you! I love you, Girl! Lisa

Lynnell said...

So glad you are home and safe and glad you had a great family time looks like a blast!!
About your prayer request you are such a BRIGHT light to all of us I see you shining right thru the dark!
Matthew will be alittle shocked but you are so wise with your kids and he is such a fun loving one he will be ok they are much better that this stuff than us!!Hide your wig I can see him having a blast with it!!
Yes, you are a good steward look how you have touched ALL of us during this season you are in. Just keep praying that after all of this is over you never know where God is going to lead you to help those without the support!
I CAN"T wait to see you tonight at LAUGH and what a great Event to have RIGHT now!!
Come and be LOVED on and make OUR night by your SMILE!!!
I have been waking every morning thanking GOD for YOU!!! I'm so blessed to have you!
Love ya

Melissa said...

Hi Jan,

I have your blog site saved on my favorites. I check on you daily. You are in my prayers. I'm so happy you get to attend Laugh tonight. I pray the Lord fills you with laughter, joy, and peace tonight and the nights to come. You are his special treasure. His special daughter.

Hugs and many blessings.

Melissa Loose-Jackson

Rebecca said...

Yea!!! I'm so glad that you had a good family weekend and that you were able to make it to Survivor Gals! It's such a neat place with some of the nicest women!

We love you, and you remain in our prayers!